Rafaela

The story of Rafaela cannot be told unless one knows Papa Joe’s Pub in Singapore …a vibrant party hub,at 180 Orchard Road, Singapore 238846 …. a reputation accorded by the droves of locals and the foreign legion who frequent its premises on a regular basis. You'll have a selection of food-items to chomp on; and the flavour is somewhat of the Tex-Mex origin. Entertainment is provided by a "live" band. To get you oriented, here’s a map of the place .

A Map of Papa Joe’s Pub (Singapore)

Dance Floor 3	Dance Floor - 3				Dance Floor 3	Lounge - 1
	BAR-3
Lounge 2	MAIN Dance Floor				Passage way	Dance Floor - 2
						BAR-2		Dance Floor - 2
	Live Music Band
		BAR-1					Dance Floor - 2
			Passageway				Balcony
			Entrance

I was in between my marriages … footloose & fancy-free. Licensed …. to kill. I had come from Malaysia, to Singapore to try to land a job with the National Health Group … but I didn’t quite make it. Frustrated, angry … I found myself in this pub drinking Bloody Marys with a vengeance. Started off at Bar-1, drifted to Bar-2 …and sat on a tall bar-stool watching the crowd dance in the Main Dance floor.

The crowd was made up of mainly two kindsa people …the rich (men) and the beautiful (women). The rest were mostly the airline crews of every conceivable Airlines in the world … ranging from United & Lufthansa to Thai & Eva. They were black, blonde, white & brown … blue eyed, brown eyed & black eyed …. But two factors were common to the entire crowd … they were all sexy … and they were all … on the make. I was an oddity … an Indian, an employee of the Malaysian government … with all my libido and … my naiveté.

And there she walked into my consciousness … accompanied by two men in their late 20s, white-skinned, blonde, blue-eyed young muscular Gods … smelling of money.

She was about 5’10” … statuesque, voluptuous and shockingly fair-skinned. Her hair was obviously dyed blonde. Her face … was captivating … a stand-alone beauty in a hall full of beautiful women. Every feature - the full lips, the luxurious & rouged cheeks, the light-hazel eyes and the long, slender straingt nose…. were a divine combo. But I remember it was her posture, her attitude ….. that was the most stunning! Regal, imperious ….proud of being a woman. Like as if she spoke, “O ye men! Come admire me!” She was dressed in a pale orange cloud-like soft silk dress that clung to her curves & flared at her feet but revealed a cleavage that was… deep & tantalizing. I think she wore 3” heels too. Her features put her in uncertain ancestry…. part Malay, part Chinese & part … Irish! But altogether, a superlative specimen of the human female form that I had never seen before.

The Englishmen brought her to the Bar-2, where I was sitting …. She stood 6 inches away from me, elbow on the bar counter, with back towards me . For a moment, I was like ‘back in school’ … breathless, speechless, overwhelmed by a ‘dame’ …. Transient palpitations & excitement … but that feeling passed …. and I regained my composure. I sidled up to her just behind her shoulder and pitched in ….

Me:	Hello !
She turned her head slightly, looked at me sideways … made eye contact for a split-second … lips curved in a polite, bored semi-smile and turned her back to me. It felt like the princess had just dismissed her stable boy! She continued watching the crowd on the dance floor while her 2 escorts ordered their own drinks & paid no attention to her. I moved my bar-stool closer behind her, so that I could speak right into her ear!
Me:	Do you see anyone on the floor you would like to dance with? I don’t.
She shook her head … a very subtle negation.
Me:	Do you want to dance?
No response.
Me:	You need a coupla drinks before you hit the floor.
Delicate shrug, with an almost imperceptible tilt of the head
Me:	Your friends have already got their drinks … can I get you one ?
No response.
Me:	Lady, can I buy you a drink?
She turned her head and finally, actually looked at me squarely, over her shoulder. When she spoke there was that slight arrogant tilt of the head, twinkling eyes & a hint of a smile.
She:	Why would you?
Me:	It would be my pleasure. You’re easily the best looking girl here tonight … probably, the best looking I’ve ever seen.
She:	Probably ?
Me:	Well, I ‘ve seen Angelina Jolie up close too!
She:	Really!!!
And she laughed … a short, sharp silvery laughter … looked at her 2 friends further down the bar …oblivious of her.
She:	Okay … make it a scotch … on the rocks
Me:	Yep … scotch-on-the-rocks coming right up!
5 minutes later, when I silently handed her the drink, she was still leaning against the bar … her escorts still occupied elsewhere. We clinked our glasses lightly & sipped our drinks quietly for a while. I was aware of every breath she took. ‘Funky Town’ came on and the crowd was enthused in the dance.
She:	You alone here ?
Me:	Yeah … a traveller … passing through Singapore
She:	Where are you from?
Me:	India … working in Sarawak, Malaysia
She:	Ah ! India … Shah Rook Khan’s country ! What do you do?
Me:	I am a Doctor. And you ? What do you do for a living ?
She:	Aaah ! I just look pretty & make the men happy.
Me:	That’s hardly work …. for woman who’s made like you!
She:	You have no idea!
Me:	Really ? Tell me about it.
She:	Do you swim ?
Me:	Yeah … a lot.
She:	Do you enjoy it?
Me:	I love to swim.
She:	Well, I swim everyday … but for me … it’s work … I need to swim to maintain my skin & my shape.
Me:	Well ...I can tell you …your ‘work’ … is highly productive … you are simply breathtakingly beautiful.
She:	I know. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t. Then I could have had a simple ordinary life.
Me:	Never heard a woman wish she were not beautiful. Very strange. No man in your life ?
She:	Well, I do have a father & a brother alive … somewhere!
Me:	No, I meant a husband … or a boyfriend.
She:	A husband ? (Again that short, sharp silvery laughter) Can any man marry me & be comfy about it ?
Me:	Dunno about being comfy … he’d be worried sick about who all were hitting on you.
She looked at me again, briefly.
She:	Exactly! (She sips her drink) You’re quite smart.
Me:	Well, I’d be very insecure myself if I had a wife like you. Have you ever bin married ?
She:	Twice …. and divorced twice too.
Me:	Huh ? Why would any man divorce you ?
She:	Just like you said … both of them … were always paranoid about which of their friends / brothers …. were hitting on me. If I ever went out, I would always be asked to explain where I was.
Me:	But the love & romance ?
She:	That lasted only until 1 month after marriage … after that … they became ‘possessive husbands’. They were good men though. But they didn’t know how independent I was. They couldn’t handle it.
Me:	Children ?
She:	None, thank Gawd !
Me:	How long have you been … single ?
She:	Almost 8 years now.
Me:	No boyfriend ?
She:	Not, in the conventional sense.
Me:	What do you mean ?
She:	Well, he’s 50 yrs old, married, a professor of English, in Manila.
Me:	Philippines! So when d’you get to meet up? How often do you meet?
She:	Last I met him was 3 months ago.
Me:	I’m wondering … how does he qualify … as a boyfriend … when he’s hardly around?
She:	Hmm .. yeah … even my friends wonder about that……
Again for a while, we sipped our drinks in a comfortable silence.
Me:	Smoke ?
She:	What do you have ?
Me:	Dunhill regular
She:	I’ll have my own (She found a pocket somewhere in that orange cloud she wore … and drew a slim B&H Menthol)
Me:	Outside ?
She:	Yeah.
I waved the way out & followed her out to the Balcony. I watched her glide. I watched her swish-n-sway … elegant in how she held her dress, gracefully negotiating the tables. The rains had stopped. The roads glistened bright in the darkness. The sound of music inside was faint. Still beauty of the night. And there was … her magic!
Me:	You were telling me about your boyfriend ….. what makes him special ?
She:	Wellll … he doesn’t care about my looks ... or how sexy I am. He treats me like a person. If he doesn’t like my dress, he says so. When he wants to be quiet … he tells me to be quiet. But he’s not selfish… he makes sure I get … mmm .. my pleasure too. And (giggle) get’s real mad if I don’t keep his books back in place.
Me:	A genuine guy…!
She:	Yesss ! That’s the word … genuine! And he’s completely lost when I get mad at him … he has absolutely no clue how to make me feel better. And then again he gets mad at me. He’s (giggle) so cute then … jussst like a little boy!
Me:	Doesn’t he try roses & poetry and all … to woo you back? After all … he’s an English professor, like you said
She:	Naah ! He’s brain-dead when he’s upset. He does read out poems … long ones … and very … passionately … but that’s only in bed … after we … after we make love.
Me:	Has he ever read out Kahlil Gibran to you ?
She:	Who?
Me:	Kahlil Gibran
She:	No , never heard of him
Me:	Hmm … he’s one my favourite.
She:	Poet ?
Me:	I think he’s more like a … philosopher, a teacher and a thinker. But he’s very romantic.
She:	Mmmm?
Me:	He speaks so beautifully about Love … I don’t remember all the words … but it’s something like … I am the lover's eyes, and the spirit's Wine, and the heart's nourishment… I am the poet's elation, And the artist's revelation, And the musician's inspiration… I am sweeter than a violet's sigh; I am more violent than a raging tempest … Gifts alone do not entice me; Parting does not discourage me; Poverty does not chase me …. I am Truth, beseeching Truth …
She:	That’s so beautiful
Me:	I wish I knew the full poem
She:	Still, I like him already. You know any more ?
Me:	Yeah … he spoke of ‘The First Kiss’
She:	Tell me … tell me ….!
For a split second I thought I saw a little girl asking for more chocolate
Me:	Again …I don’t remember all the words …except the parts …which I liked most
She:	Jussst … go on
Me:	The First Kiss is the dividing line between Doubt that beguiles the spirit and saddens the heart, Certitude that floods the inner self with joy….. It is the beginning of the song of Life the first act in the drama of the Ideal Man…... It is the link between the Silence of the feelings … and their Song….. It is a word uttered by four lips proclaiming the Heart a throne, Love a King, and Fidelity a crown….. It carries the lovers from the world of weights and measures into the world of Dreams and Revelations…..
She:	Oh ..! It’s so romantic … so beautiful.
Me:	Shall we go in … ?
She:	No …please (she put her hand on my arm) let’s just stay here for a while … it’s so beautiful …
Me:	Sure
She stood gazing into the night … I stood behind her, looking over her shoulder. I resisted the urge to put my arms around her, turn her around and kiss her … but I knew … she was not into me just yet … she was just a woman savouring romance … alone, complete & beautiful … within herself. I was just … someone to share the moment with. Soon she finished her drink.
Me:	Aah ! We need a refill. Shall we ?
She:	Yeah, come on.
Again, she led the way back in and I watched her … lecherously
Me:	Hey! Unless you are dying to get back to those fellas, I think we should get lost here
I think I had a naughty smile on … And she looked at me and flashed a smile …
She:	But how ?
Me:	Come on …
I held her hand & led her, right through the insanity of men & women writhing on Main Dance Floor, all the way through Lounge 2, until the Bar-3 & set about getting our refills. For a while after that, we again sipped out drinks quietly. The music had changed … they were playing ‘Livin’ da vida Loca’
She:	Don’t you have a … girlfriend …or a woman …now ?
Me:	Nope. I am alone
She:	Why ?
Me:	Divorced.
She:	Oh … but why ?
Me:	On a night like this, I don’t remember why …!
She:	Hmm … a man like you … should have a woman … to take care of you.
Me:	Cant there be a better reason … than “to take care of” me ?
She:	What better reason can here be ?
Me:	Maybe I should have a woman so I could just … enjoy her ?
I looked at her. Kinda deep into her eyes. I think for a moment I may have smiled … but I became very serious in a few moments. She considered for a moment or two … and then she burst out laughing ……
She:	You took a long time … to get around to …hit on me … !
She had her laugh. I watched her … and laughed along too
She:	And then … after you have ‘enjoyed her’ … what then?
Me:	I don’t know. Maybe I would like to go on … maybe I wouldn’t. See, it’s easy for a woman to get a man into her bed, but how many can get them to keep coming back … ?
She:	Aww get lost …! You are so proud. So … so … vain. You are so horrible … and I was just beginning to like you! Who do you think you are ? God’s gift to women ?
Me:	No. I am actually a very ordinary chap. It’s just that I don’t confuse sex with love anymore. I’m more in touch with myself. I don’t feel the need to lie just to get laid. I have self control. I can do without it … if I don’t find a woman I really like. Believe me … it’s not pride … not any more …
She:	But if you love her … why would she need to try to get him back ?
Me:	Did I mention love ?
She:	Aren’t you looking for love ?
Me:	C’mon … no illusions here. If love happens … great! But I ain’t looking, hoping, wishing or expecting it.
She:	You are cynical
Me:	Not really … I am just living … going with the flow … I am honest in my relationships … I try not to hurt anyone … it’s possible I might fall in love … I am not scared of getting hurt. But then having experienced marriage & fatherhood & responsibility … now when I meet women … it’ primarily for my … needs. For pure carnal pleasure, ma’am ! See ? Now you know what a bad man I am. Or maybe you can say I am … honest. What you see is what you get … ! See ?
She was leaning towards me, looking at me … listening closely …
She:	Hmm … Okayyyy …. not bad. You are very unusual … but I must admit … I like your .… attitude.
Me:	Right. So, I ‘ll go & get our drinks …while you figure out …whether you are gonna …waste me …or…enjoy me ! Hmm ?
I turned & left with the glasses, quite smug with my … exit line. As I was returning with our drinks, I saw those 2 guys … obviously looking for her. I rushed back …handed her her drink & pulled her along
Me:	C’mon …your friends are looking for you again
I dragged her into the thick of the crowd on Main Dance Floor again, cut right across the passage way & went into the far end of Lounge 1
She:	(Giggle) This is so silly …. I know you are crazy … and …and I don’t know why I am being crazy with you too !!
Me:	Hey …tonight … you are not allowed to think … just …. have fun … alright ?
She:	Whew ! I haven’t done anything like this since my schooldays
Me:	Aaah ! Now we will won’t be bothered until some more time. Now …where were we ?
She:	Where were we ?
Me:	You had to figure out …. whether you are gonna …waste me …or…enjoy me!
She:	I haven’t decided yet … I need to know you some more …don’t I ? We just met here 2 hours ago … no ?
Me:	So what ? I think you know me … as much as you need to. As I know you. I’m sure I know you more that those 2 guys who you came here with.
She:	Really? You think so?
Me:	I am sure they don’t know you hate swimming. I’m sure they don’t know about your boyfriend. They don’t care.
She:	True. They don’t know those things. Maybe they don’t care … but believe me …they know the real me.
Me:	Hmm … tell me then … what’s the real you ?
She:	(Giggle) I won’t tell you. A woman must have some mystery, no ? (She was smiling wide …enjoying herself)
Me:	OK Mystery-Woman … come on … dance with me …
I pulled her into the corner of Dance Floor-2 just as the music played ‘Lay Down Sally’. We danced like there was no tomorrow. We danced like no one was watching. We were oblivious of the 1000+ crowd … we were totally in synch. We danced to each other. We danced for each other. We danced with each other. After a while, a small circle formed around us. Strangers, blonde & black, men & women … watched us … It was as if everyone had tuned in to our ‘chemistry’ … found it beautiful …and wanted a part of it for themselves. Women waved at us. Some of the guys came & patted us both on our shoulders. And we just danced … in a primal connection … timeless & eternal. Almost an hour later… she stopped … and stood still … looking at me … so open… so vulnerable … I just took her hand, led her right through the entire length of the Dance Floor 2, out into the balcony again. We both were sweating … and the cool night air outside was just perfect. We lit up out cigarettes. This time she leaned back on my chest, while she gazed out into the night. I held her close with my arm wrapped lightly around her waist. Comfortable. Unhurried. She bent her head back & rested on my shoulder.
She:	I wish this night doesn’t end … I don’t even know your name …I don’t even need to … and yet ….
Me:	Why don’t you call me Shah Rukh Khan ?
She:	Naah …he’s more sexy than you(Giggle). And I think you are taller than him.
Me:	When you know me better, maybe I’ll be sexier than him …eh ?
She:	No … you are different. Very different.
Me:	What’s it worth ? Are you going home with me tonight … or what ?
She stiffened. Leaned away from me.
She:	Be careful of what you say. Don’t make the clock strike midnight.
Me:	Lady!!!
She:	Don’t ! Just don’t say another word … please!
Me:	Why ? What’s wrong, baby ? All I’m doing is asking you to come home with me … I am pretty sure you don’t wanna go with those 2 guys. Do you ?
She looked very distressed. I was very confused. I thought I had to let her know how much I wanted her
She:	No …I don’t want to go with them … but I have to.
Me:	Why ????
She:	Please …don’t ask
Me:	Okay … I’ll make it simple … why wont you come home with me ?
She:	I cant!!!
Me:	Bloody Hell, woman !!! Why not ????
She looked down. I was quiet … but breathing heavily. She looked at me. I thought I saw tears glistening in her eyes.
Me:	What’s your name ?
She:	(Long pause) My name is … Rafaela
Me:	Why can’t you come home with me Rafaela ?
She:	Because …..
Me:	Because what ?
She came close to me. She looked into my eyes. She spoke very slowly, very clearly…..
She:	Because …you cant afford me.
Me:	What ??? What do you mean ??? Hell, you aren’t …like a prostitute …that I cant afford you !!!
She:	But I am … I am a prostitute.
Me:	C’mon ! What are you saying ? Stop bull-shitting me !
She fished out something from the pocket in the folds of her dress …
She:	See this … this is my Singaporean ID Card
And I saw her ID Card … Name: Rafaela bin Sadiq … Date of Birth: xx-xx-1972…Address: Pasir Ris, Singapore … Profession: Prostitute Licence No. xxxxxx-xxx …. Last HIV Screening date: xx-xx-xx .. Negative … and the photograph must have been very recent.
Me:	Huh ? Oh my God! Rafaela!
She:	I told you … don’t ask.
Me:	But you know I had to. C’mon … I had to !!!
She:	And now ? Now what ?
Me:	And how much do you cost ? What’s your …rate ?
She visibly hardened. That arrogance came back over her. She smiled. Like she had changed back from a woman into a professional prostitute within seconds
She:	5000 Sing Dollars for the night. I’m game for anything. Only conditions are … you don’t mark me …& you don’t hurt me … What you gonna do, Doctor ?
Me:	Holy shit ! This isn’t happening
She:	Oh yes it is! Hard core reality, Doctor! (She said the word Doctor in extreme sarcasm) But then, men like you don’t pay for sex, do you ?
Me:	Very true … I don’t.
She:	So you see, I go home with those 2 guys …because they have paid up … already … before we got here. They know I am just … a prostitute.
Me:	But …why ??? Why do you have to be a prostitute ?
She:	Oh come on! Think … it’s easy to figure out. The money’s good. I get to be independent. And I’ll have enough saved for my old age. I don’t need to be a burden on my boyfriend.
Me:	He knows ?
She:	Of course! He was one of my best clients … for 2 years. But he doesn’t care. He still treats me like a … person. See ?
Me:	Yeah … now I see … I understand.
She:	You okay now, Doctor ?
Me:	Yeah, sure!
She:	Shall we go back inside ?
Me:	Okay
She:	Now that you know …it changes everything … doesn’t it ? All the magic …for these past few hours … all … zilch, eh ? Goodbye, Shah Rukk Khan
She was smiling … she knew I was beaten … she knew I couldn’t take it forward from here. Years later, when I looked back, I realised the burden of our Indian upbringing … of our middle-class morality. I just wasn’t man enough to rise above it all and embrace her. Our synch ...our chemistry ….our magic … was undeniable … and yet … as a man, it was my call … and I failed her … or did I fail myself ? For years, I ‘heard’ her unspoken question, “ Didnt you fall in love with me that night, Doctor ?” And I took refuge in an excuse …in a song … by the Doors, It goes like this ….
	Well, you asked how much I love you Why do ships with sails love the wind? And will I be thinking of you will I ever pass this way again? I'll be returning some day Until then……. Please don't ask me my direction Let my tracks be buried in the sea Cause to wander's my infection 'till the four winds bring you back to me Don't count your memories think of me as just a dream Just like this melody, I sing ………